The Other Woman

The Other Woman

Year: 2014
Rated: 12A
Director: Nick Cassavetes
Starring: Leslie Mann, Cameron Diaz, Kate Upton, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Taylor Kinney, Don Johnson
Score: 0/5

When Carly’s (Diaz) boyfriend Mark (Coster-Waldau) blows off their date she decides to turn up at his house and meets his wife, Kate (Mann). The two then meet another woman, Kate (Upton), that has also been sleeping with Mark. An unlikely friendship forms between the three and they plan how to ruin Mark’s life. In doing so, they discover that he has been embezzling companies in Kate’s name which forces her to act by calling for a divorce and bankrupting him.

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Jamie Lannister from Game of Thrones) may be the biggest star of the four at the moment but the film decides to use him as a background character and he is hardly seen for the first hour of the film. He gets the least screen time and even Mann’s brother (Taylor Kinney) gets more even though he’s just there as a new love interest for Diaz’s character.

Leslie Mann should not be the lead actress here as she can’t hold the screen without there having to be some sort of drama. Her character’s voice is screechy and she is always crying – she plays the same character as she does in most of her movies nowadays but it is a surprise her husband (Judd Apatow) isn’t directing her for once. Kate Upton is massively underutilised as she is just meant to represent the ignorant big boobed beach babe that every guy fantasises about. Although the film opens with Cameron Diaz and shows her having a relationship conversation with her dad (Don Johnson) it is hard to feel sorry for her character as the acting is below par and she’s trying to sleep with Mann’s brother having just slept with her husband.

It’s hard to know who the leading actress is here. Although Mann is married to the man that the other two are dating, we see Diaz’s job, her relationship with her father, and the film tends to slightly focus on her more than the rest of the cast. Ten minutes into the film Diaz and Mann meet, forty minutes of them sharing the screen later they become friends, at the hour mark we meet the next mistress, then there’s thirty minutes of them trying to sabotage Coster-Waldau’s life. The way in which women are traditionally perceived to overreact to a man even looking at another woman, meeting two other women that he’s sleeping with surely would not go down anything like this. The film might be titled The Other Woman but we hardly meet the man that these women are all attached to and there’s four women in total. Evidently grammar wasn’t the scriptwriters strong point as there are quite clearly other women involved.

Nicki Minaj appears in the film which, like most actress’ having cameo performances at the moment, is completely worthless and adds nothing to the film. Why is she here? She has the classic cliché ‘words to live by from my mother’ speech which is painful to listen to and in every scene has a different hair colour and style just encase we don’t recognise her when she first entered the movie. If anything positive is to be said about Minaj being in the film, it is that she doesn’t provide any of the songs for the soundtrack.

Is everyone in this film an alcoholic? Diaz turns up to work and Mann is there having realised what is occurring with her husband. She starts being hysterical and the two of them go to a bar. It must be 10am at the latest and they exit when night has fallen. The next day the sun is shining brightly and Diaz is in a meeting which suggest that it is early afternoon. Mann comes along, follows Diaz to her house, and is invited in to talk for an hour. Talking turns to drinking and both woman pass out on the sofa having got sloshed. To make this pointless scene even better, Mann’s dog then defecates on the floor. Hilarious. At the end of the film, the three women go to the Bahamas not wanting to be seen by Coster-Waldau, then the film shows them at a bar dancing on the tables, drinking, and trying to have a taste of the local ‘cuisine’.

When the film starts to develop some sort of plot and the revenge scheme begins, it gets pretty hard core. Mann puts his toothbrush in the toilet, Diaz gives him some laxatives, Upton suggests a threesome with a transvestite, and Mann puts oestrogen in his smoothies resulting in breasts developing. Who would dare mess with these women if that is the consequences. The worst revenge tactic is Mann topping up the shampoo with hair removal cream. You don’t mess with Jamie Lannister’s hair under any circumstance.

The film views like a bad comedy show on television where each skit lasts for a minute or two. There’ll be a a minute confrontation followed by 20 seconds in a different scene, 20 seconds in another, then another minute long scene. There must have been more to this film but they had to slash and hash the majority of scenes down to the bare minimum without getting rid of them just so that the film could be cut to the (still lengthy) 108 minutes.

If a girl tries to make you watch this then it might be in the hopes that you breakup with her before having to suffer through this ordeal. The Other Woman is an adult version of John Tucker Must Die but is in no way as funny or smart. The amount of references to sex and drinking, along with the whole premises, isn’t particularly suitable for a 12A and it would be best if this film had been given a 15. That way they could have actually shown some disgusting revenge. Cassavete’s last big outing as a directer was My Sister’s Keeper (also starring Diaz) which may be why she’s in this film since she’s still trying to be in a film that is funny. The jokes here aren’t funny, the acting is terrible, Mann is painful to watch, and Coster-Waldau is so misused it hurts to think about. The end credit montage may be the worst part of the film as we learn what has happened to all three woman since the events depicted in the film: Mann has taken over her husband’s job, Diaz has married Mann’s brother and is pregnant, and Upton has married Diaz’s dad. It’s doubtful that anyone has even seen this part of the film because by this stage who cares? Just get out of the film and run.

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